Team Recovery

Advice for carers, from a carer

We know that eating disorders don’t JUST affect the sufferer or person in recovery. Recovery requires support from everyone around the person fighting an eating disorder and the journey can be just as conflicting, tough and confusing for them too.

We were touched by a post on our Facebook page from a man who cared for his partner through her recovery. She’s now been 5 years recovered and he shared his advice with Team Recovery.

CARING IN RECOVERY

I’ve often been asked what is was that I did for my partner that was so helpful, if I’m honest I really don’t know, like many of you I just went with it really and did what I had to do.

But from memory and thinking about it now I can say that the next few points are what I think helped:

• Firstly learn quickly that the arguments and fights that are probably happening with you and your loved one are not actually between you and your loved one. What is actually happening is you’re arguing with ED. Mainly this is because you have the strength to and the sufferer does not. It’s important to develop another way of communicating with the sufferer to ensure that you battle the ED together and don’t fall out all the time. Not an easy task to achieve.

• Be willing to be flexible and adaptable (think outside the box), sadly if we had waiting for the statutory services to help then she would still probably be ill (5 years recovered). Use the information you are given to your advantages.

• Take time to ensure there are good moments and be willing where possible to take risks so that these good moments can happen. I remember my partner being rather poorly yet as promised for her birthday I ensured we would go and see a musical and spend a night away from home. Don’t get me wrong I spent a lot of that night being scared that she would get worse while we were out, but that moment of fun and created a happy memory and lifted her mood the way she needed it too.

• Ensure you look after yourself. I had two episodes of going into therapy myself both lasting 8 weeks. If I am totally honest I am in therapy again now (my partner may have recovered from her ED, but somehow I don’t think I have). It’s important to ensure you are well enough to continue the support you give.

• Finally be prepared for the extremes of highs and lows that you will experience along the way. You can’t plan for everything but you can attempt to make things less intense when they happen.

The person I was a carer for is now fully recovered from her eating disorder and is actively working in the field both and an Activist and practitioner. I am so proud of what she has achieved.

A huge Thank you to Ian for sharing his story, from the point of view of a carer.